Saturday, November 28, 2009

No Peace in Death

I realize I have not posted in a while, not because I haven't been doing well (1.5 pounds down in the past two weeks), but because I have a post that has been nagging at me, and, frankly, I don't want to write it. On the other hand, until I get it out of the way, I won't be motivated to write anything else, so here it goes.

On October 4th of this year, my 24 year old cousin died. Well, he didn't just die, he chose to die, and my mind has been fighting that decision for almost two months now. The first month was really bad, I basically kept the girls alive and that was it. This month has been better, but my motivation can be pretty low at times. What really pisses me off about this is that I know that if I start working out regularly, if I eat according to program all the time I will not only lose weight, but I will be better equipped to deal with this and come out the other side a better person. The thing is, I can't seem to work up enough momentum to give myself a shot at any sort of work out routine.

The second problem is I am having major issues accepting my cousin's suicide as fact. Nobody in our family saw this coming he had no known mental issues. He was so kind, so loving and came from a family who loved and supported him. Despite this, he decided that death was easier than life and left us to deal with the aftermath, and frankly, I am not dealing with it very well.

So this is where my head space is. There is not a day when I do not think about him, pray for him and his family and grieve the loss he has inflicted upon us. There is also not a day when I do not think about what I need to do to get better, to be healthy, to become stronger. Having said that, my goal for this week is to keep trying, to build up that momentum and then keep going. I will keep setting that alarm for 6am and tell myself I will get up, I will work out, and I will do that over and over until it becomes a habit. I am not sure what will happen then, but I will cross that bridge when I get to it. One step at a time.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Nemesis, Thy Name is Vanilla

On Saturday I went to weigh in. Usually, I have a pretty good sense of how these things will go, I normally know when I will be down, and, if I look through my food journal, I for sure know when I will be up. This week I thought for sure I would be down. Alas, that was not the case, for I stayed exactly the same.

Upon refection, however, I really shouldn't have been so surprised. It may have had something to do with the fact that most of my activity consisted of walking the dog, the chips and ice cream I had on Friday, or the fact that I went from eating no fiber for five days to a decent amount of fiber, which brought everything to a GRINDING HALT. I will not elaborate on this last point because it's icky.

The question is, what now? Well, the first thing I have to do is stop bringing large containers of ice cream into the house because it's delicious and calls my name and I cannot resist it. I know this about myself, and have known this for a while, the only reason I continue to do this, frankly, is because I'm an idiot. The second thing I have to do (and have done for the past two mornings) is get up before the girls, go to the ellipse and get in a sweaty workout. I really hate sweating, so this one will take more effort. The third thing I want to do this week is to break out the yoga DVD I bought forever ago and, I don't know, maybe ACTUALLY DO IT.

As for my goals last week, I actually did pretty well. My water consumption was okay (though clearly not okay enough), I was active everyday but Sunday (though clearly not active enough), and the sodium thing, I'm pretty sure it's been taken care of.

On the whole, I feel good about the week ahead.

Sunday, November 8, 2009


One of my goals this week was to consume most of my liquids in the form of water. I did this because, well, I usually prefer my liquids to come in the artificial fizzy variety. Is this healthy? No. Natural? Again, no. Delicious? Yes sir. Considering my attitude on the matter, I figure I need some incentive in the form of the MOST AWESOME WATER GLASS EVER!!

Drink your water!

Yup, that should do it.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Weigh In

The thing that works for me, when it comes to weight loss is Weight Watchers, but not the points program. I hate counting points. I use the newly named simply filling technique, formerly core in which I eat from a specific list of foods, and only until I am satisfied. As an emotional eater, I have found this type of control to be very powerful, and I love the fact that I am encouraged to listen to my body, to really concentrate on the type and amount of food I need. I think that this type of program will help me to succeed in the long run.

But back to the titular event of this post. I usually weigh in on Saturdays, but the family and I were in Minneapolis for four days and I didn't bother to find a meeting out there. The results of my extra long weekend away was to be up .6 of a pound. This is not a disaster! In fact, I am surprised it is so low, considering I spent four days eating like this:

Not my finest moment, I'll admit. Neither were the burgers and cheese curds, but I have found that it's better for my psyche to not dwell on it, take a deep breath and get my ass on the elliptical. Which is what I will do.....tomorrow. In the meantime, here are my goals for the next week and a half.

  1. Do something active every day
  2. Make sure most of the liquid I consume is water
  3. Purge all that extra sodium from my poor body

These may seem pretty simple (lame) to some of you, but if you check out the chick eating the pizza, she's not going to be running a half marathon anytime soon. I'm not ruling it out, but these things take time.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

The Beginning

The thing about being a stay at home mom is you have very few things you do just for you. Your day is spent caring and working for others, and it can be exhausting. So here it is, my thing, my space, my time. This is my public journal, my way to chronicle not only my weight loss, but also a place to celebrate my goals and learn from my failures. A place where I don't have to talk about my kids, where I can concentrate on my needs, if only for a few paragraphs. I want to share my journey towards my goal weight, my passion for cooking and my (hopefully) growing passion for exercise with whomever, or no one, I just want it out there, as a public record of my hard work and success.